Learning to Forgive and Be Forgiven in Addiction Recovery

The Importance of Forgiveness in Addiction Recovery

The journey of healing in addiction recovery has many facets. One of the most important is the practice of forgiveness. Forgiving others, being forgiven, and forgiving yourself can be difficult things to do.

But nevertheless, learning to let go of the past and forgive is a vital part of the recovery process. Those who struggle with substance abuse likely have childhood trauma, so learning to forgive in recovery is all the more relevant. For this reason, holistic treatment, therapy, and other treatments for substance abuse are essential to the person’s total well-being.

Recovery isn’t just about stopping your substance abuse or realizing addictive patterns. It’s about healing the body, mind, and spirit. When these three pieces are considered, long-term recovery is possible.

What is Forgiveness?

When another person causes us harm in some way, it’s natural and more than warranted to want to hold them accountable. But “holding them accountable” can often turn into resentment. This is where forgiveness comes in.

Forgiveness has many dimensions, according to a recent study. Forgiveness can have different “targets” and methods, and can look like the following:

• Directed at oneself
• Toward another person
• Aimed toward a personality trait
• Set toward a deity
• Directed toward uncontrollable situations
• Extended as an offering
• Experienced as a feeling
• Sought out as a goal

In short, forgiving is one of the best ways to free yourself from the pain—whether it’s directed at yourself, another person, or something more abstract. Letting go doesn’t mean saying “it’s okay.” In many cases, there were real wrongs committed. But forgiveness is about liberation; freeing yourself from having to hold onto the suffering done to you.

Forgiving Others

Having our feelings hurt and having people do things we wish they didn’t are part of life. No one manages to move through life without feeling some type of hurt at one time or another. However, we do with that pain and hurt can make a big difference in the quality of life we lead. Forgiveness towards others helps to release us from the resentment, bitterness, and anger that might be holding us back from living peaceful lives. In fact, forgiveness towards others involves ourselves and our spiritual well-being in significant ways. The Gospel of Matthew describes how our own forgiveness from God is linked with our forgiveness of others (6:14). From this, we can take away the importance of forgiveness for our whole being.

But still, for many people, pain and trauma have been frequent experiences in their lives. Some have been harmed deeply and repeatedly. This trauma and inability to forgive can lead to resentments that can last a lifetime. In fact, those who have trauma in their childhood are more likely to suffer from an alcohol or substance use disorder later in life. As the saying goes, “hurt people hurt people.”

Forgiving Ourselves

Self-forgiveness is a key part of many addiction recovery programs. This is because it works and is essential to healing. One recent study shows how self-forgiveness can help offset many of the negative repercussions of addiction.

There are also spiritual reasons for self-forgiveness. We’re encouraged to “do to others as you would want them to do to you.” (Matt. 7:12) And since this includes forgiveness, it’s only natural to extend this attitude of compassion toward ourselves.

Tips for Starting to Forgive

Forgiving someone who hurt you may come easier to some people than to others. However, it’s important to understand that you can actually learn to forgive. It starts with learning how to not just let go of the hurt. It’s just as key to replace the pain with empathy, compassion, and understanding.

What if you can’t seem to let go and forgive? What if it’s too hard to find empathy and compassion for the person who harmed you? The most important thing to remember is that forgiveness is a process. And, in many cases, the more hurtful the grievance, the longer the process can take. Be gentle with yourself and take it one small step at a time.

When it comes to forgiveness, it often comes more easily to some and more difficult for others. Forgiveness can also depend, in part, on the harm. Moreover, the attitude of the person in question also matters. While full forgiveness should be the goal, it’s also important to understand that feeling the pain, being hurt, and grieving are also vital parts of the forgiveness process.

Feeling as a Part of Forgiving

Forgiveness isn’t about pretending you aren’t hurt. It’s not even about minimizing what happened and how it impacted you. It’s essential to get angry, feel hurt, or address whatever feelings you may be having. If possible, talk to a supportive friend, family member, or therapist about what you’re experiencing. Take the time to tell your story of the pain, what happened, and how you feel now.

Many times, people will either rush past or avoid feeling this pain. On the other hand, many others get stuck in the pain and anger. Both are destructive behaviors. These can both lead to resentment which often cause increased pain and a decreased quality of life. This is especially true if the person with the resentment forms a dependency on alcohol or other substances. Instead of coping by way of substance abuse, forgiveness can help alleviate the pain.

It may seem really hard to forgive certain people, certain situations, and let go of certain pains. However, it’s crucial to realize that you are only hurting yourself when you can’t forgive. And if you want to forgive but just don’t know how or can’t seem to do it, seek support. Reach out to a professional at Adult and Teen Challenge today to get the help you need. Your healing can start today.